ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
