So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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