she woke up with a sticky ear
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
