You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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