Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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