So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
