id be glad to
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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