erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
