I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
