All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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