and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
