Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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