you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize