He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
