I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We have started to decorate penises.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
