I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
sarcasm needs its own font
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
