I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
