dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
