everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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