Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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