My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
