we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
