I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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