Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
