well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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