I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize