Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
