i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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