I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
