I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
