I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
