He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
