Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
