Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
