don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I am available for nakedness
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
