do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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