That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
