Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
