last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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