You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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