why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
