I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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