Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
