i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
