the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
