apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
