dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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