you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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