does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
