I think I can smell my own vagina right now
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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