it wasn't lemon gatorade
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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