I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
