By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
