Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
