The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
