So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
