On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
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I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
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Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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