Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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