I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
