and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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