Ambien. No doubt about it.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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