Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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