The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
