ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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