I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
