I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
