...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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