and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
