So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
