They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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