twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
