Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
