it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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