ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
