3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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