All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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