U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
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Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize