I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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