I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
