I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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